Hanging out: Teenagers

A friend of mine alerted me to this letter that was recently published in Where What When in Baltimore:

To The Editor,

I would like to address the ongoing problem of teenages going astray in our community. The question is where are the teenagers supposed to "hang out"? Some families in our community think they have the answer, which is to open their homes as the "cool" place for teenagers to hang out. These families do not always have teen-aged children themselves but permit actvities in their home that the teens' own parents parents would not allow. Why would their home be the ideal place for teens to be? Perhaps they have a big television, a Wii for gaming, and other home entertainments that might not be at the teen's home. Is that really the only solution we can provide?

What about Shabbos afternoons? Once again, there are families that think they can provide the perfect opportunity for teens to be supervised in a "kosher" environment. My question is, is this really in the best interest of our teenagers?

The shuls in our community have activities for yough children, such as Bnos and Pirchei, but nothing for our teenagers. Why can't we offer our teens organized activities? There are so many opportunities available: like visiting nursing homes as a group, learning programs, games, and other organized activities geared for teens.

 It is time for the rabbis and community organizers to take action to protect our teens and direct them to use their time in a productive and true Torah way.

Sincerely,
ANONYMOUS

I've been sitting on this post for a few weeks.   I wrote a letter to the editor.  What follows is the basically what I sent in.
I realized that that the author is trying to address two issues:
1)  Kids hanging out in private homes
2)  Lack of organized Shabbos activites for teens

Regarding the first issue, what's really so wrong with teenagers "hanging out" in a private home with parents supervising?  I know, as a parent, I would much rather have my children spending time at someone's home instead of sneaking around with me knowing under adult supervision.  If a family doesn't chose to have a television in their home and they don't want their child "hanging out" with kids watching television, then tell you child "No".  I understand the Yetzer Hara to condemn another family for making a "cool place to hang out" must be incredibly stronger than the Yetzer Tov to actually be a parent that is involved and has a relationship with their on child.  A relationship that allows a parent to say "No.  I don't want you watching television or playing Wii", has to be based on true respect and honesty between parent and child.  A relationship like that takes time and hard work.  Most of us can't even find time check email mail, these days , let alone attempt to forge a relationship with our children.

However, would you rather have your teenager hanging out with other teens unsupervised behind your back?  Trust me, there are plenty of nice "frum" boys and girls who do things secretly that would make their mothers flip their sheitels.  I think it's great that someone is opening their home to teenagers in a supervised way.  I take my kids to the "Shabbos park" and I notice groups of teenage boys hanging out without girls around.  I also see teenage girls chilling out without any boys around.  I also, every so often, see a mixed group.  If the teenagers are not at the park then they must be someplace else and doing something else.

Now, the second issue is something that seems like common sense.  Why not have organized programming available to teens is a community?  I think if NCSY, Bnai Akiva, or a local Agudath Israel or a community Kollel were to set up options like the letter writer suggested it would be awesome.  Of course, then we get into the issue of should the program be separate-gender.  I would suggest there be various tracks, so children and parents can choose.

My oldest uber-child is only 9 years old.  I'm not sure if a co-ed program would interest him when he's a teenager.  I do know that unsupervised hanging-out isn't the best option.  I spent plenty of years (pre-observance and after I became observant, as well) hanging out at homes when parents were not around.  I will only say that we hung out at these homes, dafka, because parents were not around.  If parents take the initiative to open their homes, the better off those teens are.

L'iluy Nishmas Raphael Menashe Koppel ben Naomi

Raphael Menashe Koppel ben Naomi was nifter Wednesday night.  I am only posting this because I know that many people have been davening, emailing me, and checking this blog for updates.  May those who took upon mitzvos and had extra kavana during their davening continue to do so, in memory of this young child. 

The levaya for Menashe Koppel Cohen son of Todd and Naomi Cohen will take place tomorrow (Thursday) at Waldheim 1600 S Des Plaines Gate 58 at 11 am

Rabbi Avigdor Miller on the greatness of an apple

Sunday's Salanter Selection

Rav Yisrael Lipkin of Salant use to say:

The greatness of the Ari Zal and the Vilna Goan went beyond their command of vast amounts of Torah knowledge- both open and the esoteric parts; their greatness lay in never deviating in the slightest from the directives of the Shulchan Aruch.

From Tenuas HaMussar

Please continue davning for a Neis Nigleh on behalf of Refoel Menashe Koppel ben Naomi

Please continue davening, learning, doing chessed, taking on a higher level of observance, of whatever else you can do and have in mind (or make a verbal statement) that you are doing so in hope of a Neis Nigleh (an open miracle) on behalf of Refoel Menashe Koppel ben Naomi.


The Facebook group Save Koppel!! was recently started, as well.

Tehillim gathering at 7:00pm Wed night

From the Chicago Center for Torah and Chessed:

There will be an emergency tehillim tonight at 7:00 pm at KINS 2800 Northshore for Refoel Menashe Koppel ben Naomi son of Todd and Naomi (Weiss) Cohen. Today he showed some responsiveness. Please make every effort to attend as every tefillah can help.

Chicago community Tehillim tonight for Menashe Koppel ben Naomi

I was just notified that there will be a community Tehillim gathering tonight at 7:30 PM for Menashe Koppel ben Naomi at Cong KINS.

Urgent! Tehillim needed for Refael Menashe Koppel ben Naomi

As received via email from the Chicago Center for Torah and Chessed:

Urgent Tehillim needed! Please daven for Refael Menashe Koppel ben Naomi

This young boy suddenly became ill.  I personally know his parents who are an amazing couple that have devoted themselves to kiruv.  Thanks!


For an online version please click here.

Sunday's Spark of Mussar

Rav Nosson Zvi Finkel, the Alter of Slabodka


He use to say that a person should always suspect himself, for even his good deeds may stem from impure motives.  "Perhaps," he said, "the reason I built my whole Mussar approach on the greatness of the first man stems from the fact that the first shmuse I heard from R' Simcha Zissel Ziv was on that subject."


From Sparks of Mussar by R Chaim Ephraim Zaitchik

Out of time

Photo from here

No, not R.E.M.'s seventh album, but just my way of saying that I'm on a blog break until June 14th.  Thanks for taking time to read this.


Yeah, I used strikethrough.  I realized that had a slew of postings that I was "finishing up" or a grand post that could only be revealed on June 14th, or if I posted daily, then an official break would be in order.  I tend to post when the mood strikes.  I know that I lose readers, but I have a secret...I really don't post for readers (even though comments and emails always make me feel good), I post because I like to.

Hitting a wall

 ( Photo from here )

Ever feel like you've hit a wall and you really have only one option and that option is to just break through said wall?

I'm sure you have.  Most of us do.  The problem I have, is that I've realized that the wall happens to be a mirror and my own reflection is what's stopping me.

There's no easy way to say it.  It stinks, like the skunk I happened to have ran over the other day.  The smell just lingers.  I tend, when all is said (or written) and done, to be the one real wall.  I am the person who holds myself back from my own goals.  Like the many people that read this and don't comment, I end to chose silence over real action.

Without getting to personal (I leave all the personal chizonius for Facebook), for all of the hours spent in hisbodedus and reading Mussar seforim, I, and all the pleasant insecurities that make me who I am, are the wall that keeps me from going forward.

Reb Nachman said it like this from Likkutei Moharan 2:119:

This world is like a little coin that is before one's eyes and blocks out a great mountain.  One can easily move the coin aside and see the mountain

I just need to grab hold of the coin and put it into the pocket of my khaki pants.

Niggunei Hisorerus Novhardok

Photo- http://www.musicmanmurray.com 

The following letter is reprinted here with permission, first appeared in Yated Neeman (USA Yated, issue dated this May 21).

Lost Novhardoker musical heritage brought back to life 

BS"D

Dear editor -

I recently saw signs in local botei medrash about a recording of Novhardoker niggunim recently put together in Eretz Yisroel. I called the number given and acquired it and was very impressed. I suspect that it would be of interest to others as well. I therefore wrote the following review of it, which I would like to share with Yated readers with your permission. Thanks for your assistance and all your good work.

Lizeicher nishmas kedoshei Novhardok, Hy"d.

The Novhardok Yeshiva movement was one of the largest, if not the largest such movement, in Eastern Europe pre-WWII. After the terrible churban, some remnants survived, notably in Eretz Yisroel, France, and the USA. Prominent gedolim of today with Novhardok connections include Rav Yitzchok Dov Koppelman of Lucerne, as well as Rav Yaakov Galinsky, and Rav Chaim Kanievsky shlita. The movement did not regain its pre-war strength and size afterward, however.

Consequently, although many people, especially from the younger doros, have heard of Novhardok, they often lack comprehensive knowledge of the deep Torah and mussar spirituality that Novhardok stood for.

One of the aspects of Novhardok that is little known today, is the niggunei hisorerus of the movement.

Novhardok had special Yiddish niggunim, composed by Novhardoker leaders, such as Rav Nissan Bobruisker and Rav Dov Budnik zt"l, Hy"d, which were sung on various occasions for chizuk in avodas Hashem.

Recently, in Eretz Yisroel, a breakthrough has come about, in which an excellent, high-quality musical release, entitled 'Niggunei Hisorerus Novhardok', with thirteen tracks of Novhardoker niggunim, has been put out. The niggunim have been recorded in a modern, up-to-date fashion with modern technology and musical accomplishment, with a talented vocalist. Additionally, accompanying the musical release is a booklet of approximately sixty pages, comprising a foreword and lyrics of the songs in Yiddish, with Hebrew translation alongside, line by line, which can be used to follow the songs and better absorb their deeper meanings. There are also a few historical photographs of Novhardoker Yeshiva talmidim and hanholo on the packaging.

The songs shed light on the times from which they came, with references such as not bowing to the hammer and sickle (communist symbol), redifos hadas (religious persecutions), and crossing the border between Russia and Poland. Some of the songs reflect mussar beliefs and practices, at times specifically Novhardok ones. There is mention in one song, for example, of having a notebook with a pen, part of a mussar practice in which people worked on their middos, while another envisions baalei mussar without a measure when Moshiach comes. One song with fifteen parts, focuses on different middos and themes, among them hatovo, amitzus, histapkus, hashgocho, bitachon, zehirus, zikkui horabim, and teshuvoh. The songs vary, with some being slower and others more 'lebedig' (lively). One particularly lebedig song is 'Lebedig Yankel', which (in two versions) talks about when Moshiach will come. There is also a short song at the end sung by Rav Yaakov Galinsky shlit"a.

The release gives a feeling of what it was to be a Novhardoker in the old days and helps us understand the spiritual power of Novhardok, which helped it grow to have thousands of talmidim pre WWII.

One needn't be a Novhardoker talmid, or son, grandson, or great-grandson of one to appreciate and enjoy the recording. Anyone with a curiosity about, and gefil (feeling) for, the pre-WWII European Yeshiva world, should find it of interest. Even if your Yiddish is less than perfect, the line by line Hebrew translation make it possible for you to enjoy it as well.

It is available in both CD and cassette.

In our trying times, the spiritual strength such niggunim can offer is surely a welcome development. As we approach Kabbolas haTorah, niggunei hisorerus can help us and we can bring this forgotten aspect of pre WWII Yeshiva life back to life.

-A Yated Reader

If anyone is interest in contacting information about how to buy either the cassette or CD, please email me and I'll pass the information on to you. -Neil